at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
