would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
