I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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