he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
