Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
