I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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