Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
