didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My balls are so social today.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
