hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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