My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hippo gnu deer
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize