either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
