mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
