What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
