even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
