It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
