ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Randomize
