I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
