im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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