You're my little dorito
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
