yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
