Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
