I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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