i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Randomize
