Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
