My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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