God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
