im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
