You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
