I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
