I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
