giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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