I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize