Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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