Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
50% drunk capacity currently
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
