just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
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Threesome in a minivan. New low
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
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But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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