I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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