What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
