i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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