Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
No stitches, just platelets and will power
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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