I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
