you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
