OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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