I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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