Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
