Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
