I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
