the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
