wake up i wanna do it froggy style
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
