You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
