Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
