Kareoke will never be a sober sport
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
