My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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