every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just invented taco cereal.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
