; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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