I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize