well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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