is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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