i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
