I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
