wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
ugly people sure do ruin things
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
